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masks
by moon Sat Dec 08, 2007 10:05 pm
masks
Walking alone in my dream,
I found the red roses,
Coming to catch them,
I found the un real existence.
I know that nothing is real,
I can see masks , no faces,
They say appearance is the goal.
Walking alone in my dream,
I found the red roses,
Coming to catch them,
I found the un real existence.
I know that nothing is real,
I can see masks , no faces,
They say appearance is the goal.
moon- Number of posts : 37
Age : 36
Location : cairo
Registration date : 2007-10-31
Re: masks
by VaNiShEd LoVe Sun Dec 09, 2007 10:28 pm
Dear Sara,
Ur usual ideas 7abibty ; appearance and reality.
I like the idea as usual
but u should have worked a little on the text ....
Eg.I know that nothing is real,
I can see masks , no faces,
They say appearance is the goal.
All of the 3 sentences carry the same meaning without new powerful images , i think if u had put only the last one (They say appearance is the goal.) would have given the reader a space to contemplate ........
In addition , u had repeated v.(found) & adj.(real) which can be replaced with another as the text is very short and cannot bear repetition of words with same root ......
I do like the compact and indirect way of the text
Muaaaaaaaah
Ur usual ideas 7abibty ; appearance and reality.
I like the idea as usual
but u should have worked a little on the text ....
Eg.I know that nothing is real,
I can see masks , no faces,
They say appearance is the goal.
All of the 3 sentences carry the same meaning without new powerful images , i think if u had put only the last one (They say appearance is the goal.) would have given the reader a space to contemplate ........
In addition , u had repeated v.(found) & adj.(real) which can be replaced with another as the text is very short and cannot bear repetition of words with same root ......
I do like the compact and indirect way of the text
Muaaaaaaaah
VaNiShEd LoVe- Number of posts : 27
Age : 36
Location : Cairo
Registration date : 2007-10-31
Re: masks
by moon Sun Dec 09, 2007 11:51 pm
thank u ya gamela soooo much
i liked ur comments
i will try to change as i can but in the next times isa
i liked ur comments
i will try to change as i can but in the next times isa
moon- Number of posts : 37
Age : 36
Location : cairo
Registration date : 2007-10-31
Re: masks
by Frost Griffin Sat Dec 22, 2007 11:56 pm
I kind of like it.Still, I have the same notes of Vanished Love.
Waiting for more and more and more and ..........................................
To the infinite and beyond
Waiting for more and more and more and ..........................................
To the infinite and beyond
Frost Griffin- Number of posts : 42
Registration date : 2007-10-31
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