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You know

Post by sara el sweefy on Wed Oct 31, 2007 11:03 pm

you know what you did
when I asked you
if you wants me or no?
you didn't say yeah...
you didn't say no...
you didn't let me go...

I even don't know...
if you care or no...
there is nothing new...
but you here and near too...
I don't know what u feel...
or it is just afear...
I am in here...
and I will bear...
but I need one word to hear..
I need to feel you there..
to realize that is real...

just tell me what you want..
tell me the true thoughts..
or just make notes..
I don't wanna jokes..


Last edited by on Fri Nov 02, 2007 8:09 pm; edited 1 time in total
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sara el sweefy

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Re: You know

Post by Amir A.Fattah on Wed Oct 31, 2007 11:18 pm

My dear,
Sarah
Only word "To7faaa"...
Good work bgd..
bs 3ayza shewyat motab3a..
And you will be so good isA.
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Re: You know

Post by sara el sweefy on Thu Nov 01, 2007 12:40 am

my dear Amir,
da enta elly to7fa, we moke3ak to7fa moot.
thank u so much for ur comment.
i am so glad that u like it.
u will reed to my much better than that
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Re: You know

Post by VaNiShEd LoVe on Thu Nov 01, 2007 11:36 pm

Dear Sara,

I've some comments 7abibty:
1-The repetition of some words like (you) ,(I) & (me) weakened the text geeeeedan w 3mal zai za7ma keda feh.
2- The text is full of grammatical mistakes :
*Tenses:eg. u started in the past (when I asked you)
then the answer was in the present
(you don't say yeah...
you don't say no...
you don't let me go...)
*Articles:u misused the article (A) , eg. (a notes) should be (a note) or (notes).
*prepositions:eg.
(if you wants me to you?) there is smth odd in using (to) .

3- Literary, there is no poetry in the text ; the structure is weak , no images and direct .......

Sorry ya 7abibty begad ana 7asa ani kont re5ma .....Forgive me

By the way, shaklek romantic ....sa7? Wink

_________________
"What we call our despair is often only
the painful eagerness of unfed hope. "

George Eliot
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VaNiShEd LoVe

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Re: You know

Post by sara el sweefy on Fri Nov 02, 2007 1:20 am

thx for ur comment, and i know that there is so many mistakes at this text.
and by the way it is asong,
rab song.
and i am trying to do my best to improve my english.
thx for u effort and i will try now to edit it
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Re: You know

Post by sara el sweefy on Fri Nov 02, 2007 1:27 am

vanished love i made edit for it.
reed it and tell me if there is somthing else wrong plz.
thx
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Re: You know

Post by VaNiShEd LoVe on Fri Nov 02, 2007 4:21 am

Sara 7abibty el text mat3melosh editing .....momkn t3mlelo tany w tet2akedo an at3malo .......

Eagerly waiting dear Smile
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Re: You know

Post by sara el sweefy on Fri Nov 02, 2007 2:31 pm

ana 3mat edit bas mesh 3arfa laih mbyzharsh be tas7e7 ely ana 3malto, ana 7awelt akter men mara bas mfesh 7aga btet3'yar.
i am so sorry
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Re: You know

Post by VaNiShEd LoVe on Fri Nov 02, 2007 9:58 pm

Dear Sara,

The edited version zahart cheers

It is much better than b4

Waiting to read more of ur works 7abibty .
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Re: You know

Post by sara el sweefy on Sat Nov 03, 2007 1:51 pm

vanished love
thx 3shan mtb3any.
we fe 7aga 7elwa awe ana ktabtaha we hnazelha bas tab3an hkon sa3eda law areteha we 2oltely ta3delatek.
thx my dear.
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Re: You know

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